Remembering my first job..

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I was rearranging mY stuffs, and i’ve seen my journal that was 7 years ago with regards to my first job… My foundation in my career. I just wanna share it with you. ^_^ |

oct. 1, 2004- this day is my first day on my first job. I hope i enjoy this day and this job from now on until my contract ends. And i’m hoping that my performance improves as day goes by. Oct. 2- todaY is our lecture proper. Kinda okey, im kinda enjoying. We discuss about specifications.

Oct. 3- rest day ko po! Pagkagising s umaga— breakfast… Wash clothes… Hapi-hapi… Sleep for a while… Attend mass at GMA, cavite. Also this day, dumalaw si ciara pero sandali lang siya. Oct. 4- my third day on qc job. But this third day, we will only take lecture and notes about specification again. I hope this day is enjoying and kinda have fun. Oct. 5- my fourth day. We exposed yesterday on the line proper (production), im afraid of the machines but ill take safety precautions to avoid accident.
I talked to one of the line leader of qc (ate @noeme mofan), and helped her in preparing samples specimen to test. And the rest cant quite remember. By the way, this experience led me to my career world now. My Credits to sir @arnold sagritalo-my trainor and direct line leader, @ciara estrella- a concerned friend who refered me to the job, the production supervisor of copper dept that time preferred not to mention name, and @xander dela pena-who is a friend always there at that time. And most of all, taifini copper and conductor inc.

taifini factory

That gave me an opportunity to start my so-called CAREER. ^_~

Carrier

 

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when im alone…

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I hate being alone, because it gives me a chance to feel the heartaches that you caused me over the years! I want to regain what I’ve lost before, but now I’m different. I have different views from before. Before I’m so in love with the love. Now its not really matter to me. No more feelings to invest. No more heartaches. No more romance. I’ve learned my lesson and it’s better to be hard, hard like a stone. All the time I’m alone, I’ve seen the scenario of being betrayed by someone you gave your life. That someone that you knew before that will do the least harm in your life. But I’m wrong, it’s the biggest heartache that I’ve known that I’d felt, and presently still feeling right now. Is forgive and forget really existing in this world?! On my part, why I can’t apply that idea? Those thoughts still taunting on my mind and it sends to my heart and give me heartache, until I haven’t noticed that I end up crying in such melancholy state, that I pity on myself, and by that time I think I’m lost in a big game that I can’t win in anyway I can after such major loss! $_$

Don’t Love Me Now

Don’t love me now, because I am not the girl I used to be… I am not the girl who have seen in a computer room full of questions of how it will be.. I am not that girl who fascinated you to talk and wanted to know about and wanted to help to start the conversation. I am not the girl who you had laid your eyes on..

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I am just a wasted girl, trying to waste your time once more. I am just a mistake you have made… I have so many mistakes in my life and hope not keeping you will not be a mistake for me now. I don’t want to keep you now because doing so is making me pull you down… I don’t want to be the person you hated for so long… A person you wanted revenge on… A person who is just a brick on your journey…. A person that made your dreams fade away…. A person who made your ultimate love of your life go away… A person whom the barrier of your true happiness…. A person I am now…. A person you once knew that will love you and care for you, but this person let you down….

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That’s why, please love me no more now…. I am not the same now. I am not your “the one” now. I am just a “no one” now, the girl I just used to be…. And I have changed a lot… A lot that even my own me didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was drown here. Nothing but emptiness. Nothing but dark space. Nothing but darkness. Nothing but loneliness… Nothing but lifeless entity… Nothing but just a vulnerable me encompasses me now. I failed my family… I failed my friends… I failed YOU.. The one, I once loved, cared and adored… But most of all, I failed myself….. I failed what I once knew that will be successful… One that will be contented… One that will be happy… One that will have purpose…. One that will be proud of….

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But now, I am wrong…. I am very wrong… I just thought that life is just a fairy tale full of magic…. But now, I believed that it is just a tale full of tragic….. Definitely, I will miss your stare at me. I will miss your dreams for us… I will miss how you cared for me… how you misses me… how you laugh with me… how you just love but only me…. how you protected me from harm… How you will be there for me on my weakest point of my life… how you make me smile when I’m down… how you give me inspiring words… How you control me… How you feel my heart… How you seen my life… How you memorize who I am… How you cry with me… How you give me hope… How you bully me… How you criticize me… How you correct me… How you lullaby for me to sleep… How you make me feel safe when I am scared… How you know the whole of me even myself wouldn’t knew… But then, I realized…. There is only one reason why I want to let you go, but so many reasons why I will not… I am so confused…. I don’t know what else I need to take… What else I need to consider… What else I need to admit… What else I need to face… What else I need to enumerate… What else I need to be… What else I need to feel… What else I need to realize… Why I love you so? I have so may questions, still left unanswered…. But one thing I just want to ask from you when I’m gone. Just remember me that I am the mother of your children.. The mother of your wonderful and beautiful children… Maybe then, you will think for me for a little while that we had once a good story, even not a Love story that you will shout to the world, even a little good story of us that even not last, but just have been… I know you knew how I loved you… How I dreamt of you… How I dreamt for you…How we had dreamt for us…. How I longed for you… How I became happy with you… How we build our own world with each other even for a little period of time until you met your ultimate love and make her your world and left me all alone… How my dreams fall apart… How I suffered…. How I am hurting… How and why I need to regain myself…. I feel so helpless where I knew no one will comfort me now… I feel so lonely that I knew no one will be there with me now… I feel so numb that I knew no one will pinch me to know that I am still alive…

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Yes, alive, I am but full of miseries, full of regrets…. Full of burden… Full of heartaches… Full of problems… And now I am sinking in the bottom, the very bottom of the unknown sea. Where I am a stranger… Just a stranger with no one… A stranger from somewhere no one will ever find….. So don’t love me now because I am not worthy to have your love back or sooner maybe will I be gone……

 
 
 
 
 

The “ONe”

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One”

When, I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one.
You didn’t say a word to me.
But love, was in the air.

Then you held my hand
Pulled me into your world
From then on my life
Has changed for me

Now I’ll never feel lonely again
Coz you are in my life…

Love…
How can I explain to you
The way I feel inside when I think of you..
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don’t you ever forget that I love you.

Love, I know that someday real soon
You’ll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can’t be together now.
Remember I am here for you.

And I know you’re there for me.
Whenever I want to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you’re near
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real

Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don’t know dear, but I know we are One…

I hate the song

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You’re All I Need Lyrics
Artist: White Lion
Album: Mane Attraction

I know that she’s waiting
For me to say forever
I know that I sometimes
Just don’t know how to tell her
I want to hold and kiss her
Give her my love
Make her believe
’Cause she doesn’t know
She doesn’t know
You’re all I need beside me girl
You’re all I need to turn my world
You’re all I want inside my heart
You’re all I need when were apart
I know that she’s always
There when I need her loving
I know that I’ve never
Told her how much I love her
I see her face before me
I look in her eyes
Wondering why
She doesn’t know
She doesn’t know
You’re all I need beside me girl
You’re all I need to turn my world
You’re all I want inside my heart
You’re all I need when were apart
Say, say that youll be there
Whenever I reach out
To feel your hand in mine
Stay, stay within my heart
Whenever Im alone
Ill know that you are there
Youre all I need beside me girl
Youre all I need to turn my world
Youre all I want inside my heart
Youre all I need when were apart
Youre all I need, etc.
All that I need
Is for you to believe
All that I need
Is you

This makes my monday morning a bad trip morning.. Buti n lng it didn’t go all the way…

The art of forgiving

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The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change. We do our forgiving alone inside our hearts and minds; what happens to the people we forgive depends on them. The first person to benefit from forgiving is the one who does it. Forgiving happens in three stages: we rediscover the humanity of the person who wronged us; we surrender our right to get even; and we wish that person well. Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey. Forgiving does not require us to reunite with the person who broke our trust. We do not forgive because we are supposed to; we forgive when we are ready to be healed. Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us. Forgiving is not a way to avoid pain but to heal the pain. Forgiving someone who breaks a trust does not mean that we give him his job back. Forgiving is the only way to be fair to ourselves. Forgivers are not doormats;
to forgive a person is not a signal that we are willing to put up with with what he does. Forgiving is essential; talking about it is optional.

When we forgive we set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner we set free is us. When we forgive we walk in stride with nothing but with ourselves…

Pag-ibig na inalay

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Ang magmahal pala’y sadyang kaysarap
Pag-ibig ay sumibol ni wala sa hinagap
Nang aking masilayan, angking kagandahan
Di ko namalayan, ako’y tinamaan

Dito sa puso ko’y sadyang inilaan
Ang pangalan mo’y di malimut-limutan
Masasayang araw, na sa ati’y nagdaan
Tila balintataw sa aking isipan

Ngunit ang tadhana’y sadyang mapagbiro
Mga tinik sa puso sa akin ay itinimo
Pangako sa isa’t isa’y biglang naglaho
Pangarap na inialay, kapalit ay pagkabigo

Luha ko’y tumulo ng di namalayan
Kay tagal n nagmahalan, nauwi sa kawalan
Mahal ko’y inagaw ng taong kawatan
Mahal ko’y sumama at ako’y iniwan

Ngayo’y heto ako, umiibig na naman
Mapait na nagdaan, nawa’y di na maranasan
Pag-ibig na wagas muling iniaalay
Pag-ibig sa isa’t isa nawa’y maging matibay…

My PRINCE CHARMING

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You are the air that I breathe;
The one I can’t resist;
My man, my shining armor;
The person I wanna be with.

When you are there by my side;
I wanna stop the ticking of the clock;
I just wanna be with you;
And my life will be lonely without you.

You are the apple of my eye;
The man I’m longing for;
Every day and every night;
Thinking that forever is not enough.

And when I woke up it’s just a dream;
You’re just a tale and so untrue;
I felt so sad because you’re not real;
And just want to sleep again to feel that it’s true.

You are not real, yes you are not real;
You’re just a character in every child’s story telling;
A play that will never be real;
So please, just don’t visit in my dreams.

-original free verse poem from MYSTIC TM, started on January 27,2012 and finished on April 17, 2012, 11:30pm

Dance with my father

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Back when I was a child

Before life removed all the innocence

My father would lift me high

And dance with my mother and me

And then

Spin me around ’till I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure

I was loved

If I could get another chance

Another walk

Another dance with him

I’d play a song that would never ever end

How I’d love love love

To dance with my father again

When I and my mother

Would disagree

To get my way I would run

From her to him

He’d make me laugh just to comfort me

yeah yeah

Then finally make me do

Just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep

He left a dollar under my sheet

Never dreamed that he

Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance

When final step

One final dance with him

I’d play a song that would never ever end

Cause I’d love love love to

Dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door

And I’d hear how mama would cry for him

I’d pray for her even more than me

I’d pray for her even more than me

I know I’m praying for much to much

But could you send her

The only man she loved

I know you don’t do it usually

But Dear Lord

She’s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep

And this is all I ever dream….

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS, ACTING FATHERS AND EVERY FEELING FATHERS IN THE WORLD!!!!