Don’t love me now, because I am not the girl I used to be… I am not the girl who have seen in a computer room full of questions of how it will be.. I am not that girl who fascinated you to talk and wanted to know about and wanted to help to start the conversation. I am not the girl who you had laid your eyes on..

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I am just a wasted girl, trying to waste your time once more. I am just a mistake you have made… I have so many mistakes in my life and hope not keeping you will not be a mistake for me now. I don’t want to keep you now because doing so is making me pull you down… I don’t want to be the person you hated for so long… A person you wanted revenge on… A person who is just a brick on your journey…. A person that made your dreams fade away…. A person who made your ultimate love of your life go away… A person whom the barrier of your true happiness…. A person I am now…. A person you once knew that will love you and care for you, but this person let you down….

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That’s why, please love me no more now…. I am not the same now. I am not your “the one” now. I am just a “no one” now, the girl I just used to be…. And I have changed a lot… A lot that even my own me didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was drown here. Nothing but emptiness. Nothing but dark space. Nothing but darkness. Nothing but loneliness… Nothing but lifeless entity… Nothing but just a vulnerable me encompasses me now. I failed my family… I failed my friends… I failed YOU.. The one, I once loved, cared and adored… But most of all, I failed myself….. I failed what I once knew that will be successful… One that will be contented… One that will be happy… One that will have purpose…. One that will be proud of….

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But now, I am wrong…. I am very wrong… I just thought that life is just a fairy tale full of magic…. But now, I believed that it is just a tale full of tragic….. Definitely, I will miss your stare at me. I will miss your dreams for us… I will miss how you cared for me… how you misses me… how you laugh with me… how you just love but only me…. how you protected me from harm… How you will be there for me on my weakest point of my life… how you make me smile when I’m down… how you give me inspiring words… How you control me… How you feel my heart… How you seen my life… How you memorize who I am… How you cry with me… How you give me hope… How you bully me… How you criticize me… How you correct me… How you lullaby for me to sleep… How you make me feel safe when I am scared… How you know the whole of me even myself wouldn’t knew… But then, I realized…. There is only one reason why I want to let you go, but so many reasons why I will not… I am so confused…. I don’t know what else I need to take… What else I need to consider… What else I need to admit… What else I need to face… What else I need to enumerate… What else I need to be… What else I need to feel… What else I need to realize… Why I love you so? I have so may questions, still left unanswered…. But one thing I just want to ask from you when I’m gone. Just remember me that I am the mother of your children.. The mother of your wonderful and beautiful children… Maybe then, you will think for me for a little while that we had once a good story, even not a Love story that you will shout to the world, even a little good story of us that even not last, but just have been… I know you knew how I loved you… How I dreamt of you… How I dreamt for you…How we had dreamt for us…. How I longed for you… How I became happy with you… How we build our own world with each other even for a little period of time until you met your ultimate love and make her your world and left me all alone… How my dreams fall apart… How I suffered…. How I am hurting… How and why I need to regain myself…. I feel so helpless where I knew no one will comfort me now… I feel so lonely that I knew no one will be there with me now… I feel so numb that I knew no one will pinch me to know that I am still alive…

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Yes, alive, I am but full of miseries, full of regrets…. Full of burden… Full of heartaches… Full of problems… And now I am sinking in the bottom, the very bottom of the unknown sea. Where I am a stranger… Just a stranger with no one… A stranger from somewhere no one will ever find….. So don’t love me now because I am not worthy to have your love back or sooner maybe will I be gone……

 
 
 
 
 
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